Bad pain in the butt Tuesday and Wednesday. Just wouldn't go away even with 2 pain pills over the course of the day Tuesday and the groggy fog yesterday. Hoping for a better day. Up with 2 poop explosions and had to laid back down..up again now, a better afternoon ahead!

Dotors appointment Thursday morning. No poop but had bad bouts of pain off and on after he finished poking around. He noted again this is NOT glutin intolrance, not food related at all but a reaction to my intestianl system because of a nuroligacal disorder caused by a lifetime of severe stress. Humm, so, living with a bi-polar psycisophrinic, madly reglious mother and a manic depressevie brother, distant acholic father not to mention all the disfuntional and abusive step parents set me up for a tsunami like colan. Holding on with nerves of steel and not cracking even throug all my bad choices as an adult, ducking and rolling through each personal war with people or myself had only worn out the 'sponge' we are all born with that like a scock absorber keep you from freeking out when something goes worng. Keeps you even and calm in a crowd. Makes you able to choses simple things like what chore to do first, or 'do I want to go to town today?'. Dread instead of joy when a friend calls. Not that you don't care but that you don't WANT to care so much because their bad day sob story but something that you should be able to fix with the right words or actions...DON'T FAIL NOW! DON'T LET THEM DOWN! Just don't bother to call is easier...save the guilt for not calling. Thank God AGAIN for caller ID (I was outside or had the phone off, laying down when you called). Saying 'I'll call you when I can/have time to talk means I'll call you when I FEEL I CAN TALK.
Richard wanted to go to the antique car show today. We mark the anniversary of our 1st date by the festival each year. I am wiped out. The thought of walking through town being bubbly Debbie. Smiling and being interested in all I was just too much to even think about. I've promised dinner at our old favorite restaurant this week to celebrate. I know I'll have a few glasses of wine not just to celebrate but to 'get throw it' without a ''fog attack''.
Yesterday I was with my new widowed friend setting up the birthday/memorial party for her beloved Rich. Had to go to the car twice to fan away the fog. Even though I knew many of the people there, having to converse and smile and be funny and kind...geeze the pressure!
Today I feel wiped out. Had a roll for breakfast and 10 minutes of pain. Woke up to and 'open butt faucet' and breakfast ran through like a creek flowing down hill after a hard rain. Fast Waters.

Like a runny faucet today

1:02pm
Haven't eaten yet, I am going to sit with Miss Margie later this afternoon and don't want to chance bringing any more on. I might be fixing her dinner and she eats better when she see you eat so I'll have to then. But, I'll be in her home and close to a bathroom. She's 96, she understands my having to say “excuses me” and run (for what she still understands) so no need for embarrassment right? NOT, I still get panicky when I have to sit with her. What will we chat about, dear GOD don't let her fall as she wobbles down the hall, what if I find her gone when I check on her while she's napping...it runs through my mind like a bad play I can't wake out on.
Had a few good hits of pain today but able to lay down (at home) and be ok for the most part. Running to the bathroom is just part of my average day. I hate the feeling, the mess, the constant washing of hands. I am grateful for the invention of baby wipes and soft toilet paper. No matter how broke, quality counts in this department!

Tuesday
Not bad today. I am home, home, home. Paul returned last evening and I am HOME. Yesterday I had a few hard pains but nothing that a 20 minute break didn't take care of. This morning I had a poop that would have made Dr. Oz proud. First time in 4 months I pooped what would be considered normal. Now mind you yesterday I even had catfish and french fries. I stay away from fried and greasy foods because it can cause a bad intestinal reaction. Who needs a laxative when coffee or greasy foods can cause an eruption in my colon that would make Old Faithful look like a drippy faucet. I got lucky yesterday. A friend bought me lunch on the way home and insisted the cat fish special was what I should have...she was paying so...I got lucky, really. I worried a bit the rest of the ride home but relaxed once here. I was good to sleep in my own bed.
Had a bit of a fuzzy fog spell this morning. I just sat down and tried to remember to breath right. It passed before long.

Well, I am not hurting!

Sunday 1:17
Home for a bit. Woke up at 6am with the nausea hitting hard again. Tried to go back to sleep but up about 7 and put a finger down my throat in hopes a good puke would ease up the nausea. NOT. It was dry heaves at first and what slim came up didn't make the nausea ease up much at all. Laid down a bit again then up for a pot of herb tea at 8. Eased up about 11:30 some. It's not as bad as Friday, or this morning. I'll leave here again in a few hours then back to Paul's for the last night of house/dog sitting. The bones in my right arm is so achy. My carpel tunnel I suppose. Lite waves of nausea also bring on clammy cold sweat. Let's hope for a better tomorrow!

Today is a better day

Saturday 2:36
Yesterday way nausea hell but today is much better. Finally was able to take a pill about 9pm. The driving back and forth was over and I had a bite to eat after letting Paul’s dog out. Didn't care about the few twinges of pain after eating as the nausea was easing off at last. Didn't care about the groggy feeling as I pulled the blanket over me and settled in on the couch with the TV for white noise in the background. Carla, Paul's back German Shepard was on the other couch listening to the sounds outside with one ear and me snore as I doze with the other. I've seen her protect her home from various beavers,ground hogs and even growled back a bear cub last spring who came poking around the back deck. Feeling safe and drudged I turned the tv off about midnight, waking to Carla's face in mine requesting and open door about 7am.
Had a few hard pains about 10 this morning after juice an English muffin but nothing that lasted more than a few minutes at a time. Back at home now to care for Richards dogs (he is still at his sale) then off to make the 22 mile trip back to Paul's for the evening/night again.

Daylillies and butterfly

Hard Nausea today

Out of bed about 7am feeling just, okay.
Keep getting cold sweat flashes as the morning goes on. (9:50am now). Q called yesterday telling me our friend whose husband passed away 2 weeks ago was having a bad day and needed 'the girls' around. Knowing I was going almost cause me to FOG OUT. Just the worried of, 'I need to say the right thing'...'I am there to HELP her'...Don't say anything that will make her cry more'...'How can I make her smile again'...this simple worry made me regret the time coming to leave. Q picks me up and we have a good chat with T.P. (she really is a strong woman considering her loss) and then they suggest dinner. I panic on the inside for a minute until we decided to fix burgers there in her home (I don't do restaurants much, not REAL food control) I ate more than ½ and was doing fine. Had a few twangs of pain...like someone is grabbing a fist full of intestines, twisting and yanking all at once. But, instead of lasting hours it was just off and on for about 30 minutes then I was fine. Started getting the bloated, tummy destined, like my belly is covered in armor. I was thank full to get home when I did as the drive brought on a bit of nausea but I was able to lay down and the world was right again.
'Movements' the last few days have been spotty and pinky finger thin. No explosion yet but my insides are gurgling again today so we'll see how goes it.
10:31am Just having tea so far this morning but cramping started. Maybe if I have an explosion (I hate them) it will ease up a bit.
Tuna at 1:40. My wrist pain was bad trying to use the opener. Rain is coming I can feel it in my bones. My feet, back and hands have that deep bone throb and my neck is acting up. (car accident in late 90's cracked several vertebrate and it nags me still.)
1:57 Cramping around tummy.
2:15 Hate the confusion. I get lost in my own mind. Getting a whole project finished is impossible. I start say, cleaning the bedroom and pick up something that belongs in another room. While putting it in it's place say in the bathroom, I start a project there totally blanking out the unfinished bedroom. Grrrrrrrrr. I get so frustrated the desire to even get up and DO SOMETHING has got up and went.
3:15 Very sharp low pain...laid down a bit till it eased up.

Friday TODAY 10:06 am
Didn't write yesterday...had an ok day except for running to the bathroom and having to change poop streaked panties once. But, only once!
Woke up with poop running as fast as pee this morning @ 6:30 am. Nausea hit about 8am an has been hammering ever since. Can't take a pill as a friend has dropped off his car for my use while he is out of state for the long weekend. He lives about 20 miles from here and I will be driving back and forth today taking care of his dog/house sitting. My roommate (Richard) is working a sale so I am also house sitting and taking care of his animals. I am NOT looking forward to all this driving today, of all days to get slammed with nausea.
I'll be spending the nights there (a bit anxious about that) so I'll try to post from his computer. If not, I'll transfer from my journal later.