And BAM, knocked down again.

Up at 6:30am with the normal achy hollow feeling in my gut. Tried to have a 'movement' but no results to speak of. I woke up feeling like I had a hang over. Not fair feeling like you 'party till you puke' without the party part. Was going to sit with a 96 year old friend last night while her care givers went out for dinner but had to call and cancel. I had a mild “panic?” attack. I find myself having to REMEMBER TO BREATH as the world seemed to orbit on the opposite axle I was standing on. I was dressed and ready for my ride to town when WAM...the fog started. I remember my roommate standing at the front door telling me he a fellow helping with a haul off job, he said something else but I couldn't really hear him...his lips were moving but my sound was turned off.. In a haze I went to bed fighting nausea as I fought my black out curtain trying to close away the light. Like a Vampire battles the sun only able to breath in the dark. I remember flopping into bed and was almost stuck there in the same position for almost an hour. The FOG started to life about ½ an hour after laying down but my limbs weighed a ton and I felt to heavy to move. The nausea came and went most of the night. Not bad like it can be but there in the back round like a creepy dark shadow in a Hitchcock that you know is hiding the bad guy. (just had my 3^rd run to the bathroom in the 2 hours I've been up...little better results this time) I know stress kick all this into high gear and I have a hard time turning my brain off sometimes. Last night all I could do was grieve about the bag of groceries I would have gotten if I had been able to sit with Miss Margie for an hour or so last night.( I get paid in food when I can help, they have a grocery store) The nerve (whatever it is) that shoots pain through my anus ( on the left side this time) had started a few nights before. That can get sever enough to bring on an ' fog attack' but it wasn't, so I am not sure what brought it all on.

I cleaned the kitchen yesterday. It takes several hours as when the pain in my butt reaches a point I go sit for a while. When it eases up, I'll get up and continue. 10 to 20 minutes I suppose. I hate to just sit when my brain has a list, no, book of THINGS TO DO. I hate my body for acting like an alien attacking itself at a moments notice.

10:20 am I haven't eaten. Not looking forward to today’s first meal. With the rumblings in my intestines the poor results in the bathroom this morning may lead to a volcano like explosion later. Keeping up the herb tea until I venture to toast, perhaps. Yesterday was 1 baked chicken thigh for brunch, crackers and cheese a few hours after I came out of the fog and a cup of sherbet . We'll see how today goes...

Been a while...

Need to start this again. I hate to complain so lets consider this a 'condition update'. I have Crohn's. A chronic condition that sucks in so many ways. I can't work a full time job or even commit to a part time one. I never know when the pain or nausea will strike and at times it's debitating.
 I know where every bathroom is around my hometown in case I get caught out, yet I rarely go out for fear of an accident.I can't even do my volunteer work any longer.
Even though this is debilitating I have fought for 5 years for Social Security Disability. 

Last week I woke up at 4am with nausea and dry heaves. Feeling the urge to void from both ends and couldn't. I had an appointment at the attorneys office, 45 minutes away from home and was considering the call to cancel. My roommate said it may be good if they see me feeling like this, so he drove me to my 1pm appointment. We live in the Ozarks. Every road is hilly and windy. NOT conducive to nausea in the least bit even with the medication I take. I didn't dare eat before leaving home and my sugar level was making me even woozier. When we did stop for lunch about 2:30 the pain started before I had 1/2 my sandwich eaten. (all natural, I stay away from perspectives and boxed foods) By the time we got home I ran to the bathroom and went to bed, then ran to the bathroom, then to bed, then to the bathroom, then to bed...and was down the next day. This I think was brought on over the stress of knowing I had an appointment in the first place. Knowing I had to go out of the house, deal with people and heaven help me, may have to poop! I had a lite panic attack...some can put me in a fog for a while...but always I break out in a cold sweat, feel faint like and the nausea will hit. Visually it feels like a fog surrounds me from the outside in.Closing in, almost cocooning me. Then poof, it's gone and I feel like I've just fought 10 rounds with Alie and lost in the worst way.

I pledge I will try to keep up with this blog and post some daily to show how Chron's, IBS, Colitis or whatever this is effects my daily life.I hate complainers and whiners, so please don't take this a poor pitiful me blog. I am a fighter. And I battle with my insides almost daily. I win be cause I AM. Though I admit the battles often wears me down.