Well the last week has been interesting and even historical, with it snowing in May, in the state of Arkansas for the first time in recorded history. I had to stop the prunes n prune juice for a day or 2 but am back for fear of binding up my insides again. I've found that eating a bowl of fiber cereal ,just before bed helps things the next day. I just have to REALLY watch when thing are flowing that it doesn't go over board creating a volcanic reaction of the poop kind! I used to be able to work and I loved volunteering. Just a few days ago an artist friend needed help (use of my truck) getting an art piece installed in our park

I had to be up at 4:30am and knew I couldn't eat for fear of having to rush to find a bathroom, with non being open downtown at that hour. Unfortunately that didn't stop the gas and gas has a tendency to allow more than hot air to pass. It was like I wet my pantie when I sneeze, that little dribble you can't control, only, it wasn't urine that came out my ares. I totally relate to a cranky baby that is fussing because their little butt is chapping from crap not cleaned away, right away. It wasn't enough to stain my outerwear thankfully but enough to make the last few hours a pain in the a...you get it. I got home about 12:30pm and felt like a child when I saw the large brown stain in my undies. Thankful at the same time that I had worn layers and good perfume so the 'old lady poop' smell didn't reach the nasal passages of the dozen people, including news team, photographers, police escort and the like. I was nauseated from not eating and couldn't eat until I got some work done because of the weather coming.I had wood to move (my only source of heat) and a brooding hen (sitting on 14 eggs)to make a protection for not to mention the jungle of plants I had to bring in....snow, in May, in Arkansas....REALLY!? The sun is out for the first time in days but I've thankfully been at home with a clear path to the bathroom...ok, I stepped on the cats tail once while sprinting to the loo but no animal was harmed in the long run and no long 'runs' of brown down my leg so I considered those days a success. No real pain for almost a week....knock on wood...and THAT alone is something to be happy about.( I don't count the minutes of cramping as reaction of eating most any food, as long as it doesn't continue) Off to find my prunes to snack on...only had to run twice so far today!

I have more gas in my gut than a pack of Great Pyrenees dogs invited in to the factory by Duke@Bushes Beans for a bottomless bowl of beans fest.

Playing mindless computer games waiting for the pain pill to kick in so I can go to bed...looking forward to a sunny tomorrow.

Enough gas today to lift a fleet of hot air balloons and keep them afloat for a full day of adventure!I swear I can feel everything I eat slowly moved through my body from first swallow to final poop.Mind you a good poop would be such a joy right now. This is one of those times that a full bottle of liquid magnesium and 3 days of suppositories with still no true relief. Prunes as snacks and prune juice to drink. Ginger to help inflammation and nausea and I may have to fall back on the dreaded pain meds at bedtime yet again tonight...hate the pill hangover the next day. Using wood heat is a blessing when it come to cost vs savings but when I feel like my own natural gas explosion is about to happen at any(surprising)time bringing in logs to keep warm is a bitch. The rain has been here for as many days as the constant rumbling in my belly, but April showers bring May flowers!!!and...it's almost May!! Looking forward to some flower picking pain free days.

Been a while...

I will try again to do better at keeping this journal if for no other reason but to vent a bit now and then about the aggravation of Crohn's and it's effects on daily life,but to also use as a gauge of how it 'runs it's course' through the weeks/months/years.

Bad pain in the butt Tuesday and Wednesday. Just wouldn't go away even with 2 pain pills over the course of the day Tuesday and the groggy fog yesterday. Hoping for a better day. Up with 2 poop explosions and had to laid back down..up again now, a better afternoon ahead!

Dotors appointment Thursday morning. No poop but had bad bouts of pain off and on after he finished poking around. He noted again this is NOT glutin intolrance, not food related at all but a reaction to my intestianl system because of a nuroligacal disorder caused by a lifetime of severe stress. Humm, so, living with a bi-polar psycisophrinic, madly reglious mother and a manic depressevie brother, distant acholic father not to mention all the disfuntional and abusive step parents set me up for a tsunami like colan. Holding on with nerves of steel and not cracking even throug all my bad choices as an adult, ducking and rolling through each personal war with people or myself had only worn out the 'sponge' we are all born with that like a scock absorber keep you from freeking out when something goes worng. Keeps you even and calm in a crowd. Makes you able to choses simple things like what chore to do first, or 'do I want to go to town today?'. Dread instead of joy when a friend calls. Not that you don't care but that you don't WANT to care so much because their bad day sob story but something that you should be able to fix with the right words or actions...DON'T FAIL NOW! DON'T LET THEM DOWN! Just don't bother to call is easier...save the guilt for not calling. Thank God AGAIN for caller ID (I was outside or had the phone off, laying down when you called). Saying 'I'll call you when I can/have time to talk means I'll call you when I FEEL I CAN TALK.
Richard wanted to go to the antique car show today. We mark the anniversary of our 1st date by the festival each year. I am wiped out. The thought of walking through town being bubbly Debbie. Smiling and being interested in all I was just too much to even think about. I've promised dinner at our old favorite restaurant this week to celebrate. I know I'll have a few glasses of wine not just to celebrate but to 'get throw it' without a ''fog attack''.
Yesterday I was with my new widowed friend setting up the birthday/memorial party for her beloved Rich. Had to go to the car twice to fan away the fog. Even though I knew many of the people there, having to converse and smile and be funny and kind...geeze the pressure!
Today I feel wiped out. Had a roll for breakfast and 10 minutes of pain. Woke up to and 'open butt faucet' and breakfast ran through like a creek flowing down hill after a hard rain. Fast Waters.

Like a runny faucet today

1:02pm
Haven't eaten yet, I am going to sit with Miss Margie later this afternoon and don't want to chance bringing any more on. I might be fixing her dinner and she eats better when she see you eat so I'll have to then. But, I'll be in her home and close to a bathroom. She's 96, she understands my having to say “excuses me” and run (for what she still understands) so no need for embarrassment right? NOT, I still get panicky when I have to sit with her. What will we chat about, dear GOD don't let her fall as she wobbles down the hall, what if I find her gone when I check on her while she's napping...it runs through my mind like a bad play I can't wake out on.
Had a few good hits of pain today but able to lay down (at home) and be ok for the most part. Running to the bathroom is just part of my average day. I hate the feeling, the mess, the constant washing of hands. I am grateful for the invention of baby wipes and soft toilet paper. No matter how broke, quality counts in this department!

Tuesday
Not bad today. I am home, home, home. Paul returned last evening and I am HOME. Yesterday I had a few hard pains but nothing that a 20 minute break didn't take care of. This morning I had a poop that would have made Dr. Oz proud. First time in 4 months I pooped what would be considered normal. Now mind you yesterday I even had catfish and french fries. I stay away from fried and greasy foods because it can cause a bad intestinal reaction. Who needs a laxative when coffee or greasy foods can cause an eruption in my colon that would make Old Faithful look like a drippy faucet. I got lucky yesterday. A friend bought me lunch on the way home and insisted the cat fish special was what I should have...she was paying so...I got lucky, really. I worried a bit the rest of the ride home but relaxed once here. I was good to sleep in my own bed.
Had a bit of a fuzzy fog spell this morning. I just sat down and tried to remember to breath right. It passed before long.

Well, I am not hurting!

Sunday 1:17
Home for a bit. Woke up at 6am with the nausea hitting hard again. Tried to go back to sleep but up about 7 and put a finger down my throat in hopes a good puke would ease up the nausea. NOT. It was dry heaves at first and what slim came up didn't make the nausea ease up much at all. Laid down a bit again then up for a pot of herb tea at 8. Eased up about 11:30 some. It's not as bad as Friday, or this morning. I'll leave here again in a few hours then back to Paul's for the last night of house/dog sitting. The bones in my right arm is so achy. My carpel tunnel I suppose. Lite waves of nausea also bring on clammy cold sweat. Let's hope for a better tomorrow!

Today is a better day

Saturday 2:36
Yesterday way nausea hell but today is much better. Finally was able to take a pill about 9pm. The driving back and forth was over and I had a bite to eat after letting Paul’s dog out. Didn't care about the few twinges of pain after eating as the nausea was easing off at last. Didn't care about the groggy feeling as I pulled the blanket over me and settled in on the couch with the TV for white noise in the background. Carla, Paul's back German Shepard was on the other couch listening to the sounds outside with one ear and me snore as I doze with the other. I've seen her protect her home from various beavers,ground hogs and even growled back a bear cub last spring who came poking around the back deck. Feeling safe and drudged I turned the tv off about midnight, waking to Carla's face in mine requesting and open door about 7am.
Had a few hard pains about 10 this morning after juice an English muffin but nothing that lasted more than a few minutes at a time. Back at home now to care for Richards dogs (he is still at his sale) then off to make the 22 mile trip back to Paul's for the evening/night again.

Daylillies and butterfly

Hard Nausea today

Out of bed about 7am feeling just, okay.
Keep getting cold sweat flashes as the morning goes on. (9:50am now). Q called yesterday telling me our friend whose husband passed away 2 weeks ago was having a bad day and needed 'the girls' around. Knowing I was going almost cause me to FOG OUT. Just the worried of, 'I need to say the right thing'...'I am there to HELP her'...Don't say anything that will make her cry more'...'How can I make her smile again'...this simple worry made me regret the time coming to leave. Q picks me up and we have a good chat with T.P. (she really is a strong woman considering her loss) and then they suggest dinner. I panic on the inside for a minute until we decided to fix burgers there in her home (I don't do restaurants much, not REAL food control) I ate more than ½ and was doing fine. Had a few twangs of pain...like someone is grabbing a fist full of intestines, twisting and yanking all at once. But, instead of lasting hours it was just off and on for about 30 minutes then I was fine. Started getting the bloated, tummy destined, like my belly is covered in armor. I was thank full to get home when I did as the drive brought on a bit of nausea but I was able to lay down and the world was right again.
'Movements' the last few days have been spotty and pinky finger thin. No explosion yet but my insides are gurgling again today so we'll see how goes it.
10:31am Just having tea so far this morning but cramping started. Maybe if I have an explosion (I hate them) it will ease up a bit.
Tuna at 1:40. My wrist pain was bad trying to use the opener. Rain is coming I can feel it in my bones. My feet, back and hands have that deep bone throb and my neck is acting up. (car accident in late 90's cracked several vertebrate and it nags me still.)
1:57 Cramping around tummy.
2:15 Hate the confusion. I get lost in my own mind. Getting a whole project finished is impossible. I start say, cleaning the bedroom and pick up something that belongs in another room. While putting it in it's place say in the bathroom, I start a project there totally blanking out the unfinished bedroom. Grrrrrrrrr. I get so frustrated the desire to even get up and DO SOMETHING has got up and went.
3:15 Very sharp low pain...laid down a bit till it eased up.

Friday TODAY 10:06 am
Didn't write yesterday...had an ok day except for running to the bathroom and having to change poop streaked panties once. But, only once!
Woke up with poop running as fast as pee this morning @ 6:30 am. Nausea hit about 8am an has been hammering ever since. Can't take a pill as a friend has dropped off his car for my use while he is out of state for the long weekend. He lives about 20 miles from here and I will be driving back and forth today taking care of his dog/house sitting. My roommate (Richard) is working a sale so I am also house sitting and taking care of his animals. I am NOT looking forward to all this driving today, of all days to get slammed with nausea.
I'll be spending the nights there (a bit anxious about that) so I'll try to post from his computer. If not, I'll transfer from my journal later.

And BAM, knocked down again.

Up at 6:30am with the normal achy hollow feeling in my gut. Tried to have a 'movement' but no results to speak of. I woke up feeling like I had a hang over. Not fair feeling like you 'party till you puke' without the party part. Was going to sit with a 96 year old friend last night while her care givers went out for dinner but had to call and cancel. I had a mild “panic?” attack. I find myself having to REMEMBER TO BREATH as the world seemed to orbit on the opposite axle I was standing on. I was dressed and ready for my ride to town when WAM...the fog started. I remember my roommate standing at the front door telling me he a fellow helping with a haul off job, he said something else but I couldn't really hear him...his lips were moving but my sound was turned off.. In a haze I went to bed fighting nausea as I fought my black out curtain trying to close away the light. Like a Vampire battles the sun only able to breath in the dark. I remember flopping into bed and was almost stuck there in the same position for almost an hour. The FOG started to life about ½ an hour after laying down but my limbs weighed a ton and I felt to heavy to move. The nausea came and went most of the night. Not bad like it can be but there in the back round like a creepy dark shadow in a Hitchcock that you know is hiding the bad guy. (just had my 3^rd run to the bathroom in the 2 hours I've been up...little better results this time) I know stress kick all this into high gear and I have a hard time turning my brain off sometimes. Last night all I could do was grieve about the bag of groceries I would have gotten if I had been able to sit with Miss Margie for an hour or so last night.( I get paid in food when I can help, they have a grocery store) The nerve (whatever it is) that shoots pain through my anus ( on the left side this time) had started a few nights before. That can get sever enough to bring on an ' fog attack' but it wasn't, so I am not sure what brought it all on.

I cleaned the kitchen yesterday. It takes several hours as when the pain in my butt reaches a point I go sit for a while. When it eases up, I'll get up and continue. 10 to 20 minutes I suppose. I hate to just sit when my brain has a list, no, book of THINGS TO DO. I hate my body for acting like an alien attacking itself at a moments notice.

10:20 am I haven't eaten. Not looking forward to today’s first meal. With the rumblings in my intestines the poor results in the bathroom this morning may lead to a volcano like explosion later. Keeping up the herb tea until I venture to toast, perhaps. Yesterday was 1 baked chicken thigh for brunch, crackers and cheese a few hours after I came out of the fog and a cup of sherbet . We'll see how today goes...

Been a while...

Need to start this again. I hate to complain so lets consider this a 'condition update'. I have Crohn's. A chronic condition that sucks in so many ways. I can't work a full time job or even commit to a part time one. I never know when the pain or nausea will strike and at times it's debitating.
 I know where every bathroom is around my hometown in case I get caught out, yet I rarely go out for fear of an accident.I can't even do my volunteer work any longer.
Even though this is debilitating I have fought for 5 years for Social Security Disability. 

Last week I woke up at 4am with nausea and dry heaves. Feeling the urge to void from both ends and couldn't. I had an appointment at the attorneys office, 45 minutes away from home and was considering the call to cancel. My roommate said it may be good if they see me feeling like this, so he drove me to my 1pm appointment. We live in the Ozarks. Every road is hilly and windy. NOT conducive to nausea in the least bit even with the medication I take. I didn't dare eat before leaving home and my sugar level was making me even woozier. When we did stop for lunch about 2:30 the pain started before I had 1/2 my sandwich eaten. (all natural, I stay away from perspectives and boxed foods) By the time we got home I ran to the bathroom and went to bed, then ran to the bathroom, then to bed, then to the bathroom, then to bed...and was down the next day. This I think was brought on over the stress of knowing I had an appointment in the first place. Knowing I had to go out of the house, deal with people and heaven help me, may have to poop! I had a lite panic attack...some can put me in a fog for a while...but always I break out in a cold sweat, feel faint like and the nausea will hit. Visually it feels like a fog surrounds me from the outside in.Closing in, almost cocooning me. Then poof, it's gone and I feel like I've just fought 10 rounds with Alie and lost in the worst way.

I pledge I will try to keep up with this blog and post some daily to show how Chron's, IBS, Colitis or whatever this is effects my daily life.I hate complainers and whiners, so please don't take this a poor pitiful me blog. I am a fighter. And I battle with my insides almost daily. I win be cause I AM. Though I admit the battles often wears me down.

 

Rotten morning so far and it's gonna be a long day. Have to ride to Tulsa for mother 75th b-day party. Mind you she is also off her bi-polar meds again and I am praying we don't have an epasoid.
I woke and showered with dry heaves and nausea. Had 2 hop out of the shower to poo for the 3rd time and have gone another 3 since dressing. About and hour 1/2 time. Taking butt wipes and several changes of clothes though I plan on returning tonight. I can't have enough underwear.
Richards back is out so he is letting me use his truck, meaning I have to drive! Meaning I can't have a nausea/diarrhea or cramping pill. My gut is gurgling and I don't dare eat, just sip water and hope for the best.
Gotta look at the bright side. The butt severa stabbing pain is not there so except for the discomfort in my gut and bowls I should sit for the most part ok...I won't test the God's. I am packing my butt pillow!